Arguably, one of the greatest (and also the worst) parts of leadership is that everyone turns to you in their time of need. It’s great to be the “go-to” person when things are going smoothly and you have all of the answers but what happens when you don’t? Or what happens when the stress and responsibilities of leadership just keep piling up while the world around you only seems to be moving faster? The truth is, leadership isn’t for everyone. As leaders, we don’t get to just turn off our leadership responsibilities when we need a break. We don’t get to pick and choose when being responsible for others is convenient for us and when it’s not, so what should we do when we as leaders are the ones who are stressed or overwhelmed?
Recently, I was asking myself this very question as I was sitting in the delivery room holding my new born baby girl for the first time. Simply put, I was ecstatic but anxious at the same time. For months I had been anxiously waiting for our beautiful daughter, Isabella Rose, to be born and she had finally arrived. But these were unchartered waters for me…
For the first time in a long time, I was starting to feel overwhelmed. Having just gone through labor, my wife was exhausted and finally getting some rest which meant caring for the baby fell mostly on my shoulders. I wanted nothing more than to show her I could step up and be everything she needed me to be. She had cared for me for so many years after my injury, subsequent surgeries and throughout my recovery and now it was my time to care for her and our new born baby girl.
But regardless of how excited I was to meet our daughter and step into my role as dad, I didn’t have the option to just neglect my other responsibilities and this is where the anxiety started kicking in.
Most notably, I was one week away from finishing my Master’s degree in Leadership and moments after my wife had drifted off to sleep I remembered, “Oh crap, my final project is due in three hours”…
For the last 14 months I had woken up every day at 4:30 A.M. to complete my school work before I went to work each day so I could come home and spend time with Kelsey Rose. This graduate program was supposed to take 30 months to complete but I was a week away from finishing it in 14 so it was done when Bella was born but I was exhausted…
If I wasn’t stressed enough before, I sure was now. All I wanted to do was hold me baby girl and care for my wife, but what options did I have? I was rocking Isabella in the rocking chair and there was no way in hell I was putting her down to finish this assignment and I sure wasn’t going to wake Kelsey Rose up. Sure, maybe I could have reached out to my professor and ask for an extension but Bella wasn’t going anywhere. Both her and Kelsey would still need me to care for them when we went home in a few days so what good would an extension do? The world sure wasn’t going to slow down for me any time soon so I only saw one viable option…
I typed the entire assignment one handed while holding Bella in my other arm.
This is why leadership isn’t meant for everyone. There will be countless times throughout your leadership career that your personal resolve and resiliency is tested. We might not always have the answers but it’s up to us as leaders to figure it out. There’s no room for excuses in a leadership role and I am quickly realizing that being a parent and husband are the most important leadership roles that I will ever hold. The stress of life will always be there and there will always be new obstacles and challenges to overcome. As leaders, we get stressed and anxious just like everyone else but that’s why we are the ones that others come to in their time of need…
We don’t get to pass off our responsibilities to others. We are the ones that need to be reliable and who will step up time after time to deliver results regardless of how difficult the path ahead may be.
Years ago, my platoon sergeant gave me advice about what to do as a leader in the face of adversity. He said, “Natale, either find a way to make it work or hand over the reigns to someone who will”…
I will never surrender my role as a leader both in my personal and professional lives and I will be the worlds best husband and father regardless of what stress life throws my way.
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