Seven years down and a lifetime to go

One year from today I will marry the love of my life, Kelsey Rose.

A few days ago, someone asked me if I was nervous.  Well, as my father used to tell me “They day you’re not nervous, is the day you’re in trouble.”

HOWEVER, nerves aren’t always a bad thing.  I tell my football players that being nervous means you care.  It means you realize what’s at stake.  It means that your heart knows that what is in front of you may have been the opportunity you have chased your entire life.

Growing up, I didn’t dream of what my wedding would look like.  I didn’t dream of what cars I would drive or how big my house would be.  Honestly, I didn’t know what my dream was until I met Kelsey Rose.

I can’t count the times in my life where I have begged God for a break.  Where I have felt so weak that I just needed the weight lifted off of my shoulders and then He gave me her.  With her by my side I feel invincible, like the world is at my fingertips…OUR fingertips.  It is amazing the strength you find in your heart when you have someone who relies on you to be everything God made you to be.

The day I met her it was over.  I couldn’t describe to you the way my heart felt.  It honestly felt like the world around me was blurred and she was all I could see.  She played me right into her trap too.  She had me chasing her all over town and I fell right into it.  Then came the day when I told her I loved her.  It terrified me.  Anyone who tells you love at first site isn’t real has never met someone like her.  It terrified me that I could love someone the way I loved her.  Honestly, I didn’t know it was possible.  How could you love someone so much that you can’t even put it into words?

Well I did what I did best.  Things were amazing so I made excuses and I ran.  I pushed her FAR away.  At that point in my life I was so broken, the last thing I needed was to drag her down with me.  She deserved to live in a castle and I didn’t have that.  I was terrified to have met the woman of my dreams at age 19 – but here I stand seven years later…one year from marrying her.

My point is that life can be scary; especially relationships.  For so many years I was terrified to let someone I loved that much rely on me when I couldn’t rely on myself.  How could I give her what she deserved?  The answer…I couldn’t but I would die trying to be the man she deserved.  See, the moment I realized she was counting on me made me want to be a better man.  It made me feel invincible.  Thousands of miles away from her for those years in the military and I felt like I was on top of the world.  I would do anything for her.  I had to understand it wasn’t if I would make mistakes but when and that those mistakes would only help me grow to become a better man.

Shit yes I’m nervous to marry her but I’m excited as hell.  She is everything I could have ever imagined and then some.  She is what I dreamed of my entire life and I didn’t know it until I met her.  She has seen me at my best and she has been there in my worst.  She takes me for who I am and for that…I will pour my soul into being everything she deserves.

It sucks that back is the way it is. It sucks that somedays she has to help me put my shoes on but she does it because she loves me.  We can’t always control every aspect of our lives but we always have control of who we spend it with and how.  Love without limits and don’t ever hold back.

She will kill me for writing this post because she hates the attention.  But she stands me up when I am weak and she makes me shine when I am strong.  We are not perfect, no one is.  But we are perfect for each other and for that I thank God everyday.  She is everything I am not but everything I could have ever wanted.